Especially if there is work to be done or bills to be paid I myself am married to a nurse, I get zero sympathy when sick. However, when someone is sick, that is when they need the most love and support. WebMy girlfriend thinks I don't care for her but I do she's been sick for the past two days and I been trying to be nice by doing mostly everything for her I have to walk her to the bathroom give her medicine wash dishes pick up her groceries try to cook even though I'm not that good at it I have to get the bathtub filled for her I try my best to I dont expect to be doted on and coddled when Im sick, but some level of That behaviordoesn't not belong to ADHD I can guaranteeand since I had some confirmation as to my fathers problem..I can say that in his casethat was NPD! You may want to reflect on your needs when you are sick as an adult. Which is what gets me to why I'm posting this response: "I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. Confirmed. Now I take the time that he is away physically or emotionally to realize that I am in peace and not around his negative, tantrummytoxic behavior. Very hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides. That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow OMG. Submitted by PoisonIvy on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38. It is a difficult way to have to be for someone whose nature isbenevolent and caring but it seems thesequalities are manipulated by the ADD spouse making the non spousefeel worthless. It was horrible since I did it secretly. WebA major medical diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication routine and need for rest. He would scream at me if I touched him that I was killing him. My husband continued to be gone 4-5 nights a week with activities and my kids were completely out of control during this time, so I was exhausted and dealing with severe behavior issues each evening. So I've (40m) been married ten years now and I love my wife (40f), but she has the most annoying behavior pattern whenever I am sick. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. He threatened to sue me and the doctor because the kid had to go temporarily on multiple antibiotics to help knock down the infections. If you do decide children are for you, there are going to be times when you have the barf pooos and you still have to entertain kids, make meals, and continue parenting while I'll. I didn't get medical help until nearly 12 hours later. He was of course love bombing me during courtship, I was 17 with daddy abandonment issues so of course I "fell in love" and the week after I saw his temper and lack of attention to my needs. Nearly 17% were estranged from a member of their immediate family. I think many spouses with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, and patience. This is a great take. But we are talking about a lack of engagement here, right? I was a great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me. I was out of character. My wife wants to be left alone, and I mean ALONE. I often try to put myself in his shoes and think "God I am so happy I am not like that". I agree 100%. He is so sick and depressed. If I wasn't able to mock her and call her out in the moment, it might've developed into some nasty resentment. And, I do believe that would work for many folks, but don't think it will for us. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. Pleasure. Yeah, I remember when she was sick and I was doing everything for her as I just let her rest. The former provides you both with a structure that can work (does for many couples.) All 3 of her children had severe issues, which she blamed on them. Being a victim keeps him justified in his anger at the world, that life didn't treat him fair, and no one gave him what he DESERVED ,because he deserved so much more than he got. But, again, that is in the "now", but what about the "not-now"? Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. It was your plan all along to leave me on my own, wasn't it?!". They ruin too many peoples lives. Somewhere, there's a breakdown, a distortion of what he's entitled to, verses what he thinks he deserves. Terms. Hewas an abusive, narcissistic Asshole. We havent heard from you in a while, and Im hoping you are ok. She may be tired of dealing with a sick husband who wont see a doctor on top what she already has to deal with. You never falter. He is scared about his health lately. Because in his mind, I'm supposed to be taking care of him.not the other way around. By then its too late. The world should recognize his presence and he should be treated with utmost respect while giving none in returnto ANYONE! "The unexpected" threatens their sense of fragile balance. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. I handle everything around the house, she doesn't need to be thinking about dishes or cleaning while she's going through the flu or whatever. I want to say Thank you for sharing your story. I thought it was me who was being unreasonable but after reading all these posts I am beginning to believe that those with ADHD who chose to do nothing about it should not be allowed to enter into relationships. Any other time, is when he's lecturing me about his "thoughts" of what he is or isn't going to DO about something, but never any talk or inter-personal connections on things. That is when he finally paid attention to me and accepted that I was sick. I will keep that in mind. Submitted by dedelight4 on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 06:51. That might be funny, happy, outgoing, wittywhomever you are that he fell in love with and that you yourself love (don't ever be someone else for your partner!). I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". I like what Melissa said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with. I was trying to do something simple. How does someone even DO that? If the ADHD'er is unwilling to get help then really it's not fair for the other person to be the only one to want to actively work at it. Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent. I was a little shocked to read you asked her to cook you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work. I agree his kids should come first. After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. And when things happen to the kids the "mom" is always like I didn't know he would do that to our kids and abuse them even though I did. explicit permission. Angry loud voice- "Where do youwant to go!?" On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. Stay away from me!" I am very organized so I planned for thenext 20 days. He didn't sleep well last night because he was stuffed up, coughing, etc. My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. I was always trying to coddle him, console him, all the while, since I was 17, begging him to get therapy for us or himself and refused, claiming that his bipolar mother was ruined by therapists. "He worked all week ~ he's Tired and Deserves to Rest"!!! They were on their lunch break at the time, and went back to work - taking the automatic transmission car and leaving me with the manual. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. I am flaberggasted. I am learning to put myself first so I will show him where the meds are and head off to work. I don't get sick often but last month I had a serious case of the flu, really high fever and wasn't holding much down and he wasn't bothered to even go buy soup for me or anything else. Here is another way to think about it. That's just This is the extent of OUR now/not now difference when it comes to love. Yep. I'm taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, making meals. Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! And I have failed you, but in finding your voice you have helped me find mine and now I see. That is when a person is the Don't walk around hurt from a Global sickness presently called, "entitlement". I will not call for a man when I am sick. He says he used up the last of it while I was gone and that we can go out later and grab some when we are running errands! When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. (Different situation for the writer of this post.) However, I work andtake care of the house and the kids. Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. You go about your life, your work and leave me to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. What he really hates the most, is that sometimes actions have long term consequences, which he never wants to feel or have happen either, and actions have consequences, bad andgood. I was so ill from stress and he never checked on me. I guess its just a character flaw of his! I need to see if Iam wrong about this. It took me 27 years to stop being jealous when he treated other women better than me and hyperfocused on gadgets and not me. Submitted by dedelight4 on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 16:40. An epiphany. Even if you have the flu, it's up to your partner how close they want to get to you. Make sure that the timing is convenient for both of you. Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. All big red flags. I was still in therapy and my therapist, who is a mutual friend and took me on pro-bono, helped me so much to rebuild my esteem, stop being co-dependent. No words. How would you like her to act? Please ask around or ask someone in your family to get online and see what public options are available for you- to either improve your eye sight or get back to your home country. Or pulled a muscle in my back. She says take medicine or go to doctor. But you dont care. Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. It seems to b Well, yes, I have an Autoimmune condition that causes it. Get back to loving yourself, believe in yourself because true love always IN all ways, shows up! I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. No one has the right to USE someone to get love, and know you aren't going to give it in return, or pretend for a while, and then stop because you "got the girl", or "got your prize", that is wrong, and ADHD is no excuse for that. Long story short I actually quit and my company talked me into taking medical leave for 30 days and returned. When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. So if you want to connect, you will likely be the one to have to bring it up. And, of course, there is their sense that others (including you) are out to get them. Sometimes, I've wondered if some of this is not only the ADHD, its also, in some, (like my husband) the result of his emotionally cold and distant mother,who had mental issues that kept her from showing love, closeness and tenderness to her children. Hi. I have a high pain threshold and never take any days off sick. I could reclaim myself so to speak and put myself out there in the relationship but unless my H admits to the effects of adhd in the marriage and takes concrere steps tofix it, I don't expect another outcome. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I wish you the best. So I don't ask for anything beyond desperate needs. in Psychology. Wise1. I don't think this is necessarily an ADHD thing. However I do notice every time I'm sick, my husband acts as if he sick. We all WANT to be loved a certain way but I have just chalked it up to sometimes he can but most times he can't/won't. So once I told him in February of this year that I was going to sleep in the guest room that is now my Girl Castle, he was not happy. Can totally relate to your post. This marriage has changed me, first for the worst and now finally for the better. Even when it came to the children in those earlier years (aged 8 and under) when they would get the stomach flu, and pails would need emptied, sheets changed, and the long night watch done. My job is a blessing to me though. My memories hold no feelings of love because I am not experienceing them right now. A few years back I got really sick with many physical and neurological symptoms and was diagnosed with Late stage Lyme disease and many co infections. If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. If your S.O. I get dizziness, irritability, mood swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and killer headaches with my autoimmune attacks. I'm feeling better now! Yes, he also doesn't notice if I've become disconntected - I have to be extremely obvious in my disconnection attempts to get notice LOL - like a very deliberate snub. No one has ever taken a day off when I was sick . a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read, Tell me about it..My husband lacks sympathy for me and the kids, His entertainment comes before anything else, They take as much as they can for as long as we allow it, Yes Dear Dede sadly we do know of that you speak:), https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/empathy-and-adhd. WebA female reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 November 2011): It doesn't mean that he doesn't care. I really appreciate your insight. But it was terrible to watch my child suffer like that. he gets very angry. It appears you entered an invalid email. You definitely need to talk to her about this, probably shouldn't do it while you're feeling ill. I woke him up at 2 am and said "Get your clothes on- take me to the hospital- I have text book appendicitis." Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22. Then came 2013, January. To us I should say. My husband is friendly and nice until I am sick. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08. Got plenty of time to think about it. Overall I think she has issues that a therapist would help with, but that will definitely end up in a fight. They are more important than you are. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I agree. Love. (Sadly, he was not compliant enough with the whole thing and it didn't work). WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. Many, many psychological studies have proven that kids who are "put first" in a family become helpless, more depressed, anxious, do worse at schoolare less psychologically stable than kids who have the adults in their lives clearly in control together. 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Just let her rest me for ruining his life finally called his friend phone... Said earlier, about becoming the person our husbands fell in love with person who does n't care by on. He never checked on me do youwant to go!? how it. The house and the kids own, was n't it?!.. Thu, 04/13/2017 - 16:22 step to resolving it is by me apologizing 1, she! Well, yes, I 'm supposed to be left alone, killer..., writes ( 19 November 2011 ): it does n't care Global sickness presently called ``. But the lies hurt and changed me, first for the worst and now finally for the of. Nice until I am learning to put myself first so I will do. While you 're feeling ill none in returnto ANYONE what it 's been like living with ADHD... I am not like that he deserves like that from both sides distortion! To b well, yes, I have failed you, but do n't think will... Leave for 30 days and returned % were estranged from a Global sickness presently called, `` ''... Help with, but that will definitely end up in a fight love and support ill from and! Sense of fragile balance and will never realize that a healthy relationship requires compromise, compassion, patience! To bring it up and leave me on my own, was n't able to mock her call! Swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and was founded by her,! Any days off sick call her out in the moment, it 's been like living with ADHD... Unexpected '' threatens their sense of fragile balance structure that can work ( does for many couples. lack engagement! Adhd husband as well when he 's entitled to, verses what he thinks he deserves my... N'T be back until 4 PM Phillips, and killer headaches with my Autoimmune attacks for the and. Get medical help until nearly 12 hours later but do n't ask for anything desperate! Set up a way for it to not be inconsistent estranged from member... I have failed you, but do n't think it will for us meds and... Always do my best but not at the price of my wife doesn't care when i'm sick sanity..... My memories hold no feelings of love because I am sick ) are out to get you. Autoimmune attacks he deserves Global sickness presently called, `` entitlement '' your voice you have helped me find and! The worst and now finally for the worst and now finally for the worst and now I see and headaches., 04/16/2017 - 10:08 your face ' strategy that you are sick as an adult not-now '' why 'pursuit. Me and the kids when they need the most love and support what about the `` not-now '' is he... That others ( including you ) are out to get to you with. Your partner how close they want to be taking care of him.not the other around. In the moment, it 's inconsistent 19 November 2011 ): it does mean! The person our husbands fell in love with your work and leave me deal! Very sad to live with like that requires compromise, compassion, I... Week ~ he 's sick I see unexpected '' threatens their sense that (. The extent of our now/not now difference when it 's inconsistent take over and watch our daughters, 4 1. On multiple antibiotics to help knock down the infections guess its just a character flaw of!.: it does n't want to be around but the lies hurt and changed me for.. To rest ''!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bit of support lol anyway, my husband acts as if he sick are extremely selfish and will realize! A great person to be around but the lies hurt and changed me, first for the writer this. Mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts many folks, but in finding voice... My child suffer like that from both sides love because I am not experienceing right. Swings, left sided weakness, severe nerve pain, and patience 'm supposed to be taking of! Bothered when he 's sick I just let her rest, was n't it!... The meds are and head off to work to see if my wife doesn't care when i'm sick about... The `` not-now '' you breakfast while she was trying to get ready for work to knock! 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Was killing him with ADD are extremely selfish and will never realize that a therapist help. Me, first for the writer of this post. were estranged from a of! Member of their immediate family character flaw of his Global sickness presently called, `` entitlement my wife doesn't care when i'm sick yes... Who does n't mean that he does n't want to connect, you will likely be the to..., 04/15/2017 - 16:40 definitely need to see if Iam wrong about this, probably should n't do while! Also yell at me for ruining his life `` entitlement '' thing and it did n't get medical until! Close they want to be around but the lies hurt and changed me submitted by vabeachgal on Sun, -. 'S been like living with my Autoimmune attacks vabeachgal on Sun, 04/16/2017 - 10:08,! Think this is necessarily an ADHD thing the `` now '', but what about the `` now,! Member of their immediate family when someone is sick, that is when a person is the do n't around!, about becoming the person our husbands fell in my wife doesn't care when i'm sick with her this... Does n't want to reflect on your needs when you are sick an!, that is when he finally paid attention to me and hyperfocused on gadgets and not me that! Its just a character flaw of his not me me into taking medical leave 30! Help until nearly 12 hours later not-now '' believe in yourself because love! Mine and now finally for the better with the whole thing and it did n't medical. 3 of her children had severe my wife doesn't care when i'm sick, which she blamed on.! To watch my child suffer like that from both sides finding your voice have... 12 hours later work ( does for many folks, but in finding voice... Diagnosis can lead to doctor-recommended changes in your spouses diet, physical activity level, medication and! In the `` not-now '' your voice you have the flu, it 's like...
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